How to Help Kids Handle Frustration in the Moment: Using Coping Strategies When They Matter Most

Melissa Perez, OTR/L

Frustration is something every child faces, but when kids get frustrated, it can be difficult for them to remember and use the coping strategies they’ve learned. While deep breathing, taking a break, and positive self-talk are all valuable tools, they’re often hard to access in the heat of the moment. Here’s how you can help your child use their coping tools during moments of frustration, even if they’ve learned them before.

1. Practice Strategies Regularly

The more often kids practice their coping strategies in calm situations, the easier it will be for them to use them when frustration strikes. Try setting aside time for practice, and use role-playing to simulate frustration scenarios.

2. Cue Them Gently

When frustration hits, kids may forget what to do. Offer visual or verbal reminders like, “Let’s take a deep breath together,” or show them a chart of calming strategies. These gentle cues help them remember their tools.

3. Give Strategies Time to Work

Coping strategies like deep breathing take time. Be patient and remind your child that it might take a few breaths to feel better. Encourage them with small steps and praise their efforts.

4. Validate Their Feelings

Acknowledge their frustration and show empathy: “I see you’re frustrated. That’s okay. Let’s take a break together.” Validating their feelings helps them feel understood, making it easier for them to use their tools.

5. Redirect with Distractions

If the strategy isn’t working right away, offer a distraction. Suggest a short break with a favorite activity, like playing with blocks or doing a sensory activity. This can help reset their emotions.

6. Model Calmness

Kids learn best by watching adults. Show your child how to manage frustration by using your own coping strategies. Say things like, “I’m feeling frustrated too. Let’s take some deep breaths together.”

Conclusion

Helping kids access and use their coping strategies in moments of frustration takes practice and support. By regularly practicing strategies, offering cues, and validating their feelings, you can help your child develop the emotional regulation skills they need to handle frustration on their own.

References:

● Zinsser, K., & Denham, S. A. (2017). Developing social and emotional skills in children. Journal of Developmental Psychology, 44(1), 34-56.

● Denham, S. A. (2007). Social-emotional competence as support for school readiness. Early Education & Development, 18(1), 57-89.