Tips for ending mealtime battles

Sarah Layton, OTR/L

Mealtimes can be a stressful time of day for parents and children. Are mealtimes in your home starting to feel more like a battle than a time to connect as a family? If so, here are some tips to help end those mealtime battles and bring some peace back to the dinner table.

Alleviate the Power Struggle in Mealtime Battles:

Parents understand the vital role food and nutrition have for our children's health and well-being. Because of this desire, parents want their children to eat well, increase variety in their diets, and/or consume necessary vitamins and nutrients. These are good and well-meaning desires. However, this motive can inadvertently put a lot of pressure on our little ones to eat foods they are still learning about or have aversions towards. This tension between parent and child can create a power struggle. Environments filled with this conflict are not always positive and conducive to learning.

Mealtimes are a learning opportunity for children. It is an opportunity for children to learn about their senses, improve oral motor and fine motor skills, engage in social interactions with family or friends, and learn about table manners. When more pressure is put on consumption over exposure children can miss out on all the benefits that mealtimes offer. Reducing this battle between parent and child can bring peace to mealtimes and give the child independence and confidence to learn about food. 

Division of Responsibility:

One way to alleviate a power struggle is to implement Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility. The Division of Responsibility states at mealtimes it is the child’s responsibility to decide if and how much they eat. As parents, it is not our responsibility to make our children eat. Instead, it is our responsibility to decide what is offered, where it is offered, and when it is offered. This gives your children the freedom to explore food without the pressure of “take 3 more bites” or “you can’t leave the table until you finish your plate”. 

Offer a Preferred Food to Alleviate Mealtime Battles:

To support the learning of our little ones a helpful tip is to offer at least one preferred food at each mealtime. This strategy is comforting for parents to know their child will eat at least something at a meal. But it is also comforting to the child to have at least one food item they are familiar with and can explore other foods being offered without the pressure to eat them. Implementing this tip can ensure children get needed food in their body while alleviating the pressure around unfamiliar items. 

Serve Meals Family Style:

Serving meals family style can be a great way to expose children to new foods without the pressure to eat. Having the entree and side dishes placed around the table brings new foods closer to a nervous eater. This allows them to explore the food with their eyes and nose first and at a distance that is comfortable. Anxious eaters can see family and friends engaging with non-preferred or new foods, which can increase interest and model how to eat the food. Family-style meals allow the child the opportunity to serve themselves, which requires using fine motor skills to scoop, pour, etc. while allowing children to have the autonomy to decide how much they want on their plate or how much they will eat. Lastly, family style can provide children the opportunity to learn how to recognize their internal feelings of hunger or satiety. 

If mealtimes are a battle in your home alleviating the power struggle, implementing the Divisions of Responsibility, offering a preferred food, and/or serving meals family style could be a good place to start. These strategies allow for mealtimes to be more than just a time to eat but a time to learn, and a time to create memories with others.